does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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