You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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