I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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