Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Randomize
