The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
