last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
