that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
