we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
