Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
