saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
