And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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