A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
