After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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