I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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