I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
third nipple confirmed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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