She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
