My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
