weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
