You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
