10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
