I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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