Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
