The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
