I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
