Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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