Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
