It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
