"it" just moved
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
