woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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