Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
