Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
