Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
