Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
