He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
