Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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