i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
