He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Enjoy the penises
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
