I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
