My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
