sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
