just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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