I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize