btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
