I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
