So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
