My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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