Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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