Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
