I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
