Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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