hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
