I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
