You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
