he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
