He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
