WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
