the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
