just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
