you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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