someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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