Too much gin, very little bucket
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
