Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
