So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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