Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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