Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize