my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
