he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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