I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
