You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize