the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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