I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
