STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
