Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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