We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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